


I've Got Your Grasping Hand

by dimplelegacymila



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: 5+1, First Kiss, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, lots of hugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-07
Updated: 2016-10-07
Packaged: 2018-08-20 01:19:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8231227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dimplelegacymila/pseuds/dimplelegacymila
Summary: "I'm sorry," Shiro's words are the only warning he gets before arms are wrapped around his body, almost hosting him up in their strength. Keith lets out an embarrassing loud gasp. "I can't," Shiro says."What-" Keith blinks. "Stop-""I can't. I'm sorry, I can't," Shiro says those words to him again and again, sounding so much like a broken robot that it scares Keith. He barely manages to touch Shiro's biceps, so crushing is the power that Shiro's holding him with.-Five meaningful times when Shiro apologized to Keith and one time when Keith knew he didn't really mean it.





	

**Fifth time**

 

For Keith Shiro's whimpers are already a familiar tune of the night. He would do anything for it to not be like that but no matter how hard he tries he can't chase the nightmares away.

Usually Shiro's moans are obscure and he rarely talks in his sleep. Yet now Keith can hear him gasp out small words.

"No."

"Please."

"Why?"

On the bed Keith moves closer to Shiro's shuddering body. He can't come up with anything else but what he always does; he presses himself to Shiro's side, grips the fabric of his top and nuzzles his face against Shiro's damp neck. He feels how vehemently Shiro's pulse is throbbing and he whispers Shiro's name over and over again.

Usually his touches and whispers wake Shiro up. That's what happens now too and Shiro opens his eyes slowly like the nightmare is trying to stop him from reaching towards the reality. Even though he isn't struggling or yelling his body is shaking more than while he was dreaming. 

"You're alright. You're with me," Keith whispers, stroking Shiro's chest. His eye-lids are heavy and his head is aching because of lack of sleep, not just from this night but many others. Still he forces his eyes to stay open because even if Shiro suffered from nightmares all night Keith would stay awake and comfort him through it.

Shiro grasps Keith's hand. 

"I'm sorry I woke you again," his voice is hoarse and tense.

"It's okay," Keith answers because it is.

Shiro turns his head slightly so he can look at Keith in the eyes. "You're exhausted," his expression looks pained. He cups Keith's cheek. "Maybe you should go back to your-"

"No. We've been through this already, I want to sleep with you," Keith also knows that he would get less sleep in his room since worry for Shiro would keep him tossing around in his bed.

Shiro doesn't seem convinced and his intense gaze makes Keith almost uncomfortable.

"Just let it be, Shiro. You're stuck with me," Keith touches the hand on his cheek. The contact makes Shiro close his eyes. "Let's go back to sleep, okay?"

He doesn't bother to ask if Shiro wants to talk about the nightmare. He never wants to.

He can feel Shiro's eyes burning holes in him as he turns around but doesn't comment on it, dragging Shiro's arm around his waist. He's too tired to have a staring contest with this guy.

Suddenly Shiro's grip on him is almost too tight and he presses Keith's body against his chest, breathing against the back of his neck.

"I love you," he says simply and quietly. 

They have never said it out loud before.

The sheer emotion that swallows up Keith brings tears in his eyes and he tries to rapidly blink them away. Either way, he still feels few drops roll down his cheek and he hates Shiro for doing this to him, making him feel so helpless and uncontrolled. All because Keith's feelings for him are so enormous that he doesn't know what to do with himself.

"Keith?" Shiro asks quietly.

Keith can only shake his head since his words don't come out. He tries to swallow the weak sob that's forming itself in his throat. Both of Shiro's arms embrace him tightly, almost like reading Keith's mind.

"You know I, what I-" Keith desperately tries to say the words but calms down as he feels Shiro nod against the back of his head.

After he does get the words out and they kiss desperately like they're out of time, Keith realizes how scared he is. He's never been so scared of losing something even though it's right there in his arms.

 

-

 

**Fourth time**

 

As Shiro's body covers his and he presses his hips onward, Keith flinches.

"Did that hurt?" he asks, stopping immediately.

"No," Keith lies. He tries to relax but the thrill makes his muscles tense unlike any training. 

"I'm sorry," Shiro sighs and rubs his chest. As his fingers grace Keith's nipples Keith tries not to whine. Shiro takes a note on this and soon he's sucking roughly on the right nub, making goosebumps appear on Keith's skin. At the same time his muscles are relaxing and Keith takes once again interest in the member that is poking at his backside, not quite pushing in after the first try.

"You can keep going," he assures, pressing himself against Shiro's hips. Shiro gives a last lick at his nipple until looking at him seriously.

"I don't wan to hurt you again."

"It's my first time so it's going to hurt anyway," Keith tries to grab his hip but he pulls away.

"It doesn't mean I'm alright with it," he frowns and pulls also his hands away from Keith's body.

"What- No, c'mon," Keith tenses as Shiro sits up. Keith follows him and grabs his wrists. "Fuck, don't be like that. I want to be with you. So much," his own words make him blush but he doesn't like the feeling he's having, like Shiro doesn't want him. He glances at Shiro' cock and the look of it calms him down a bit since Shiro hasn't gone all soft.

Shiro blinks at him before smiling gently. "Relax," he chuckles and Keith's cheeks go red. "We can try a different style," his expression is back to lascivious and he gently pulls Keith closer until he's sitting on Shiro's thighs. They both let out a moan as their cocks bump together. "Rise onto your knees," he commands and his husky voice makes the bottom of Keith's stomach crumble away.

As Keith is standing on his knees, grabbing Shiro's shoulders, he can feel Shiro stroke himself with his metallic hand. With the other hand he grabs the bottle of lube from nearby and hands it to Keith. "Pour more on my fingers," he says. With his hands shaking, Keith opens the bottle and soon Shiro's fingers are even stickier than before. He grabs one of Keith's ass-cheeks roughly and the motion makes Keith drop the bottle and groan. He starts pushing first one, then two fingers into Keith while stroking himself under Keith's body. Keith's silently impressed about his multi-tasking skills. He squeezes the strands of Shiro's hair and pants against his forehead, his knees trembling.

"Enough. I'm ready."

"Are you sure?" Shiro stills both of his hands, kissing Keith's collarbone and Keith wants to cry out in frustration. All softness that came from their pause is gone and now his dick is so hard that he's in pain for not touching it. At this point he doesn't care if he has to beg.

"Yeah. Please, please, please."

Shiro swallows and nods, moving himself and Keith a bit so that the tip of his cock is once again at Keith's opening. He gives Keith a meaningful look and Keith realizes that this time the pace is on his hands. The mere thought of it almost makes Keith grin and he tries to hide the excitement on his face by burying it into Shiro's white locks. Slowly he starts to lower his hips, willing himself to relax and think about the fact that he and Shiro are actually doing this, and how amazing it is.

That line of thought helps him for a while until he moves lower and Shiro's cock pushes painfully against his walls. Shiro of course notices his wince from the pain.

"Keith, take it slowly," he pants.

"I know," Keith's shaking knees are starting to hurt from all the work. He gets too impatient and tries to push the rest of Shiro into his hole in a swift move but that only makes him groan raggedly.

 _Patience yields focus_ , he reminds himself, stopping for a moment.

"Keith..." Keith keeps his eyes closed to stay focused but he knows from Shiro's voice that he's close to call it off.

"Shut up. I just need a minute."

"I'm sor-" Keith cuts him off by pressing the palms of his hands on Shiro's mouth. Shiro frowns at him and lets out a muffed sigh.

"Stop it," Keith growls out but soon he finds himself smiling at Shiro's annoyed gaze. "I'm the only one moving here so why are you sorry? Are you apologizing about your dick?" 

The angry look Shiro gives him is enough to make him laugh.

"Can you...?" Shiro tries to speak from behind Keith's hands, gesturing at his mouth. Keith has mercy on him and moves his fingers away, cupping Shiro's face instead. 

"Let's try again?" he asks, feeling surprisingly relaxed.

"Wonder how many times you're going to say that tonight," Shiro rolls his eyes but his smile is so warm that Keith wants to kiss and keep it.

"Until it works," he answers and does give him a kiss, and it's long, deep and it makes him burn. He burns and moves his hips down again. Shiro moans and that keeps him going. 

He still burns when Shiro is finally all the way inside him. His muscles hurt but it's a sweet pain that makes him think that part of him might be a masochist; every piece of Shiro is surrounding him and it feels suffocating but also wonderful at the same time. His body doesn't feel like his anymore, like he's surrendered it to someone else but if that someone is Shiro he doesn't mind at all.

"Fuck-- Keith," Shiro begins to move carefully, all of his apologizing attitude gone as he grips Keith's hips and finally starts to stroke Keith's pink cock.

"Takashi," he whispers brokenly. "Takashi, Takashi."

Shiro groans, brokenly calling out Keith's name. Pain and pleasure are combined as Keith meets his thrusts and the messy but also grace collision of their hips makes them go faster. They kiss in an awkward angle but Keith doesn't care about it and he sobs into Shiro's mouth as the hand on his cock makes him come undone. 

As he comes, Shiro's whispers on his ear, Shiro's hands on his body and Shiro inside of him, he feels like he lets go of everything and gives it all to Shiro without meaning to.

 

-

 

**Third time**

 

Keith loves seeing him sweat. 

He tries not to sound like a love struck idiot while forming that sentence in his head. The metallic arm that glimmers in the bright light of training room is still something Keith finds himself staring from time to time, both in shock and interest. There's slight anger too because it reminds him, reminds Shiro, about that lost year and both of them would remember it too clearly enough without the prosthesis. There's also a bit of pride, which he would never say to Shiro out loud; he lost an arm but he survived and came back.

Shiro's breathing harshly and Keith's lost the count of how many push-ups he's done. Surprisingly he still hasn't noticed Keith on the doorway so he speaks, "Don't break your bones."

"I won't," Shiro answers immediately which tells him that his presence had been noticed, just not commented on. Shiro lets out a sigh before pulling himself up, stands and turns to Keith. "Hey, you."

His velvet tone makes Keith's knees weak. He does his best to not let it show.

"Hey. How long you've been here?"

"About half an hour," Shiro's smile is bright. "Why were you ogling me?"

"I wasn't," Keith snorts, tries to find a better comeback but fails. He leans his right shoulder against the wall and decisively meets Shiro's burning gaze, like it's a challenge. It keeps going for a while, both of them just standing there and staring, Shiro still breathing heavily.

Then Shiro chuckles.

"Come here," he says. Keith thinks nothing could keep him away when Shiro talks to him like that. He did know he was in too deep but now he also knows that he's pretty whipped. 

Shiro laughs. "Why are you glaring at me like that?"

"It's just not fair," he mutters, knowing that Shiro doesn't get what he means. Still, he walks to Shiro and then the man's strong arms are wrapped around his shoulders. He feels Shiro nuzzle his hair and breathe in calmly. Keith squeezes Shiro back, the sweat on Shiro's clothes and skin clinging to him. "Wanna train together?"

Shiro's takes his time kissing all over Keith's neck and right ear before answering. He moves his tongue lazily on Keith's skin and Keith feels like he could explode from those touches alone. 

"Sure," he smirks as he looks at Keith. Keith's a bit of a shivering mess from his kisses. After pecking Keith's hairline, he moves further and stretches for a bit. Keith does the same, willing his heart-beat to slow down.

After about five minutes they start. Shiro is on the defensive; Keith attacks impulsively and Shiro rejects most of his flying punches. Keith changes his tactic and manages to kick Shiro's calf. The kick makes Shiro waver enough for Keith's blow to hit his shoulder. 

"Take it easy, you brat," Shiro says good-naturedly as he sees Keith's excited expression. Adrenaline is pumping in Keith's veins as he blocks one of Shiro's hits, moves further away when Shiro's body comes closer. The white locks that cling on to Shiro's forehead bring a burning feeling into his squeezing heart that combines with the adrenaline. It makes his body sing.

Neither of them can get too near to other's skin as they're surging closer only to part after just few seconds. Keith feels like it's a form of flirting masked in a training session where the goal is more about light touches than beating the other and seeing which of them breaks first.

It's Keith. 

But he likes to think that Shiro would have been it just in the matter of seconds.

Without warning Keith lunges towards Shiro. He looks so surprised that Keith wants to laugh; so they were really playing their own personal tag. Shiro grabs his shoulders and Keith goes for his metallic arm which is honestly just an impulse born from his want to touch it.

Then the floor and ceiling switch locations. Keith flies over Shiro and lands on his back, feeling the air leave his lungs. He lets out a groan and is left staring at the white ceiling of the room. 

Shiro throwing him over himself happened so quickly that he didn't even have time process it.

"Keith?" Shiro's face comes to his vision, his expression solemn. "Are you okay?"

Keith has barely enough energy to nod but it seems to be the wrong answer because Shiro's moving to sit down beside his body, his hand hastily touching his face. "I'm so sorry. I don't know why I- God dammit," he spits out harshly. Keith sees him glance at his metallic arm and there's clear hatred in his eyes.

"Relax," he feels like he can breathe more easily again. He slowly moves to sit and Shiro makes room for him, a little too much actually, like he doesn't want to risk his left arm touching Keith. 

"I hurt you."

"Shiro. You've made that move on me many times before," Keith points out but Shiro doesn't seem to hear his words, only clenches his jaw and looks away. His expression is the perfect picture of shame. "I don't get you. What is the problem? Remember that one time in Garrison when you kicked me in the stomach while we were training together? Even that hurt more than this," the speed that Shiro used in the flip shocked Keith but that was all there was to it. At least to him.

"No, you don't get it," Shiro raises his voice slightly and stands up when Keith tries to touch him. He runs a hand through his sweaty hair and Keith can hear him mutter few curses under his breath. 

Keith follows him. "Hey," he says firmly and grabs Shiro's ears to turn his gaze on himself. He let's that one word be enough and only stares at Shiro's face. The man looks anxious and frustrated but most of all he looks worried. Keith's eyes soften and he slips his hands on Shiro's cheeks, rubbing his thumb under the right eye like he would wipe away a tear.

"Keith," Shiro sighs deeply and carefully grasps one of Keith's hands. Keith notes that he keeps his left arm away. "It's a problem because I didn't even realize what I was doing until I saw you lying on the ground. It was a reflex."

"So you trusted your instincts. What's wrong with that?"

"It's different," Shiro shakes his head. "I need to keep myself in check all the time because of this," he clenches and unclenches his prosthesis. "I'm not sure what it's capable of. The last thing I want-" he closes his eyes and Keith feels fingers squeeze his own ones. "The thing I'm most afraid of is that I'm going to hurt you with it."

Keith blinks few times before pinching Shiro's cheek sharply with his fingers.

"Ow!"

"You big baby!" Keith snaps at him, abusing his cheek some more, making Shiro finally use his other hand to trap both of Keith's wrist inside his grasp. He looks comically puzzled and Keith's heart swells as he gazes at the man. "Baby," Keith whispers again and presses his forehead tentatively against Shiro's own.

"Is that an insult or a petname?"

"Don't know," he murmurs. Shiro gives him a small smile but then turns serious when he sees how he's gripping Keith's wrists. He lets go of them as if burnt but Keith decides to have none of it. He's more than fed up with carefulness and self-loath. He presses Shiro's metallic fingers against his neck, on his throat. It's a show of trust that Shiro seems to understand without words; his eyes widen and he only makes a little movement to pull his hand away before settling down. 

Then Keith pulls his hand onto his cheek. 

"I'm not going to break," he keeps his tone even though he's pretty sure his cheeks are red. "You can touch me."

_Touch me._

Shiro lets his gaze travel over Keith's face. Slowly Keith feels and sees how his posture relaxes and his mouth goes slack. Keith is then entirely possessed by the fact how close Shiro's mouth is and how long time it has been since they've kissed (about twelve hours ago to be exact). So he raises his chin up and eagerly pecks and then nips at Shiro's mouth. His lips part under Keith's ministrations. Then they're finally kissing deeply, arms wrapping around each other and Keith feels like he's a starved man who can't control his hunger anymore. Shiro moans against his mouth.

Keith thinks that this is how he likes Shiro the best; going by his instincts, just like when he threw Keith on the floor.

Shiro's tongue licks his lower lip before pulling away. 

"How do you do that?" his voice is hoarse but Keith hears humour in it.

"What?"

"Keep me grounded."

Keith wants to take a picture of his eyes and smile.

As an answer he only shrugs, his own smile a bit shy.

 

-

 

**Second time**

 

Keith rushes to his room and the door lets out swish as it closes. He feels like something is crawling its way up his throat, not vomit or yell but something like an ugly creature.

Involuntarily Shiro's face pops into his head and his mouth turns dry like sand-paper. He tries to sit down but is uncapable staying still more than few seconds so he stands back up.

Shiro's fake smile at breakfast when Hunk asked if he was alright. Shiro's tired eyes. His avoidance when Keith tried to look him in the eyes. His sigh and clenched fist which Keith noticed.

Keith clenches his own fist now and breathes heavily.

Shiro doesn't talk to him.

Shiro is there but nowhere close.

Shiro isn't okay and is pushing others, especially Keith, further and further away.

Keith can't take it.

He lets out a short holler and throws his pillow against the wall. He wants to grab something else, something heavier and louder that could satisfyingly turn into tiny pieces as it hit a barrier. Keith feels like he and Shiro are pieces, flying on air, away from each other. And most frustrating part is that only Shiro knows what hit them.

The whole plan-Voltron feels like a part of the separate pieces too.

It isn't just about this morning. Nowadays when Keith and Shiro are talking alone either of them always withdraws. They don't fight but their conversations are nothing like they used to be and it seems to exhaust them both even though Shiro clearly wants to keep it that way. That is why they don't talk anymore unless the others are around.

Suddenly there's a knock on Keith's door. He flinches.

"What?"

"Keith," Shiro's voice says simply. When Keith doesn't answer him, he too falls silent.

Keith considers his options. He doesn't know what he could do if he saw Shiro now when he feeling like an open wound. Maybe he could punch him and make him act like the Shiro he knows. Maybe he could simply continue this little game of theirs. Maybe he could simply ask what Shiro wants him to do.

He opens the door.

Shiro looks uncomfortable, pained and worried. Keith doesn't know how he can master all those three emotions on his face at the same time. He's leaning his hand against the wall and his eyes still stray away from Keith's gaze. When it isn't about life and death he never directly looks at Keith anymore.

"What is it?"

"You left so quickly and didn't eat anything. I..." he seems to struggle with his words. "I came to check if you're alright."

"I'm just as fine as you are," Keith makes sure he presses every word sharply. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Shiro frowns at him and Keith can sense a beginning of an argument. 

Just like that every muscle and bone in Keith's body that was ready to rage and burn only a moment ago caves in. 

He's so tired of everything.

"Just... Get lost," it isn't a command but almost like a whisper.

"What?" Shiro's shoulders stiffen because of his words or his tone, Keith can't really tell which is the reason.

"Get lost," he hisses. "Why are you even here?" 

Their eyes lock.

"Because I-"

"I thought you wanted to keep me away because of your hero complex or some shit. Then I started to think that maybe you don't really care anymore. And if that's the case then... I get it, I do," he slowly presses his palm against Shiro's broad chest and tries to remember when was the last time he touched it. "Then I thought maybe it wasn't that, maybe you-- I-I don't know anymore. Still, I get it, I'm not moron."

"Keith-"

"But the point is that if you want me to stay away from you then you have to do the same," his voice trembles. He's never in his life said something that he loathes this much. "You can't come here and say that you wanna know if I'm okay when you're-- I'm not okay!" his mouth vomits out the words, and the yell that is laced with them is like a sad hiccup. "Is that what you want to hear? I'm a mess but I've always been that way. But now I'm fucking-" 

_miserable_

"-- because I can't help you! And you don't even want me to! So just stop giving me-"

_false hope_

"Just stop coming near me!" he sees glimpses of Shiro's wide eyes as he lowers his head and tries to even his breath. He releases his grip on Shiro's shirt and it feels like his fingers are cramping as he clutches at the wall instead. 

He can only hear the vague hum of the spaceship as they stand in there on the doorway. He spares few seconds for thinking about where others are and if they heard his outburst. Then his mind is occupied with confusion because Shiro hasn't left but is still in front of him, unmoving. But that confusion is only mild because he's especially tired of trying to understand what Shiro's thinking.

He's only glad that he isn't crying. All of his emotions feel like they have exploded and left only dust behind.

"I'm sorry," Shiro's words are the only warning he gets before arms are wrapped around his body, almost hosting him up in their strength. Keith lets out an embarrassing loud gasp. "I can't," Shiro says.

"What-" Keith blinks. "Stop-"

"I can't. I'm sorry, I can't," Shiro says those words to him again and again, sounding so much like a broken robot that it scares Keith. He barely manages to touch Shiro's biceps, so crushing is the power that Shiro's holding him with. 

"Calm down, it's okay," Keith tries to soothe him. "I'm here, it's okay."

Everything he said before vanishes from his memory in his need to make Shiro okay.

"I can't let you go," Shiro whispers against his neck.

The intimacy and relief of those words make Keith eyes sting. He uses all of his power to wriggle his arms free from Shiro's hug so that he can wrap them around his shoulders, fingers splayed on Shiro's shoulder blades.

_Why would you apologize for something like that?_

"Then don't," he murmurs. Shiro presses his face against Keith's hair and he feels something like a kiss on his scalp. He shakes his head at the idea though, thinking that it's the false hope taking control of his mind again. "And stop avoiding me like a ten-year-old," he points out.

Shiro's chuckle, his real and familiar chuckle, is like music. "I promise."

Keith knows he can't fix Shiro. But he says "fuck it" and promises that he's going to try anyway. And Keith can promise he won't ever give up on Shiro again.

As they're both sitting on Keith's bed comfortably Keith tells him this. The words make Shiro's eyes bright and there's a hidden meaning in them which Keith understands only when Shiro leans to kiss him for the first time.

It's abrupt and uncoordinated but then it melts into something else, something Keith can't explain, not even in his own head. Shiro's lips warm his own like their mouths are missing pieces, finally snapping back together. Keith can swear he almost hears the "click" sound.

Then Shiro entwines their tongues and Keith's head turns empty.

 

-

 

**First time**

 

As Shiro packs his things Keith just watches. As he tidies up his room like a good gadet Keith just watches.

It's the night before Shiro's departure for Kerberos and Keith suggested they could hang out. But, even though he doesn't intend to, he's making the atmosphere tense around them by just staring at Shiro's every little move and keeping his end of the light small talk short and gruff. 

He can't help it though and can only wonder why. (He knows why.)

"Okay, that's about everything," Shiro straightens his back and looks around the room. There's careful longing in his gaze. "If my room blows up while I'm gone I'm blaming you."

"Mmm."

"Now I have to ask you a favor," Shiro turns around to look at him, smiling. 

Keith stops spinning in his chair and raises his head. "What?"

"Could you lend me a hand with this?" he grabs a shaver from his desk and holds it out.

"For your head?"

Shiro nodds. "I can do it myself but I prefer not to when I can ask someone else. I've had few... accidents."

"Like bloody accidents or ugly hair-cut accidents?" Keith asks, feeling himself perk up when his mind is off the fact that Shiro is going to leave.

"The latter," Shiro shrugs and his sheepish smile is enough to make Keith smirk.

"I don't know," he says slowly. "What do I get?"

"A life-long friend," Shiro grins. "Even though I am that already."

Keith's insides melt. 

"Okay," he gives in and takes the shaver. Shiro pulls out a chair and Keith gets behind it. "You don't want to cover up?"

"I'm heading for the shower soon anyway. Knock yourself out."

"I thinks that's a wrong thing to say at this situation," Keith chuckles. He pushes a small button and the shaver wakes up. Its buzzing sound changes slightly as he starts to move it on the lower part of Shiro's head. He doesn't ask for advice since he doesn't consider shaving as rocket-science. Shiro shifts on the chair carefully, trying not to disturb Keith's work. Keith isn't sure if Shiro's feeling relaxed at all but he himself feels a warm tingle inside him from being close to Shiro in a whole different way. Keith can smell his natural scent and a slight tang of sweat, and just those simple things make his heart beat a bit faster. He isn't all that nervous though but feels pretty content and satisfied instead, his hands steady with the shaver. He's keeping his left hand on Shiro's shoulder and his index finger is slightly touching his skin.

He absent-mindedly thinks about another reality where Shiro would place his hand on top of his own.

"Keith," Shiro unexpectedly speaks up.

"Yeah?"

He sees Shiro swallow and hates how he can't see his expression.

"I'm sorry I have to leave you."

Shiro's tone is unreadable but at that moment Keith doesn't really care about it. He stops his movements and pulls his hand away from Shiro. Shiro glances at him from the corner of his eye and Keith can feel a red-hot emotion squirm in his chest. "Well thanks," he spits out. " _I'm_ sorry I'm so pathetic that you have to worry about leaving me alone."

Shiro blinks at him.

"Because obviously I can't make do without you-"

A hand on his hand, just what he had thought about before, makes him stop his rant. "That's not what I meant and you know it," Shiro says firmly.

Keith doesn't answer him and looks away but lets Shiro hold his hand. 

Of course he knows it. Maybe he was only looking for an excuse to blow up.

"Keith," Shiro stands up and is soon close in front of Keith. Keith's scared shitless of the possibility that Shiro is going to hug him because if that happens he doesn't know how he'll react. "You'll be fine anywhere and anytime, no matter if I'm there or not."

_That's not true._

"I guess I'm more sorry for myself," Shiro's chuckle is hollow. "I'm just... I'm gonna miss you."

_Don't say that. You're the one who's leaving._

Then Shiro does what Keith feared; he hugs Keith tightly and Keith can feel his warm breath on his ear, making him shiver though he's never felt more warm, not even with Shiro before. 

Keith hugs him back, burying his face on Shiro's warm chest and thinks about another reality again; where he's a pussy who is just too much in love and asks Shiro to stay, and Shiro is feeling the same way and stays, takes Keith to the shower with him and keeps Keith in the room, in his bed, for the whole night.

But Keith is a person who doesn't escape from reality, not for too long at least. He knows Shiro is going to leave and Keith isn't going to ask him to stay either.

"I'll miss you too," he can't help saying it. Shiro pulls away to look at him with sad eyes. Keith can't avert his own eyes, so intense is the gaze that Shiro's locked him with. For a moment, he's sure Shiro is going to kiss him; Keith wants, needs him to. But he doesn't, only strokes Keith's cheek with his fingers which is also shockingly intimate. 

Keith is usually brave and drives ahead without thinking but kissing Shiro now when he isn't going to see him for months is something that couldn't do even if he was drunk or in a dream.

"Are you going to come and see me off tomorrow?" there's slight hope in Shiro's voice that's both endearing and confusing to Keith.

"Yeah," he nods, grasping the hem of Shiro's shirt.

"Thanks," Shiro smiles and then pulls away. While Keith's body pulses with disappointment Shiro rubs his hair experimentally. "I think this is good enough."

Keith moves behind, inspecting the outcome before agreeing, "Yeah, it looks great."

Shiro still checks himself in the bathroom's mirror. When he comes out he smiles radiantly at Keith. "It's perfect. Thank you."

After Shiro has showered they spent half an hour together before it's time for Keith to get back to his room. That half an hour goes by with them sitting on Shiro's bed and mostly talking about far-away stars and galaxies. If Shiro notices how Keith keeps pressing his thigh against Shiro's own, he doesn't comment on it.

 

-

 

**That one time**

 

He's fed up with everyone and everything as he strides through the halls of Garrison, the lecture that he was given still fresh on his mind.

He's said to be _too impulsive, too quick-tempered and difficult. He's not good at making friends and while he's a good pilot, on a lucky day he's only acceptable in others eyes._

He pushes away the slight bang of loneliness that those words make him feel. 

He's not even sure why he's trying.

His train of thought hits a brick wall just as he hits a shoulder of a person. He bits his tongue to keep in the yell that's trying to come out of his mouth and only glares murderly at the person who came in his way.

The person is taller than him with messy dark hair. He could look like trouble if he wasn't wearing a wide smile. 

"I'm sorry," his eyes twinkle as he says those words.

_"Sorry" my ass._

"You were in a quite of a hurry," his voice is overly polite and Keith can see how he doesn't even try to hide his mischievous chuckle. "Be grateful that it was just me who you ran into."

"You were in my way," Keith mutters.

"Oh," now the brunette laughs. "I'm sorry, junior cadet, that I, senior cadet happened to be in your way."

Keith could easily end their discussion if he was sure that the man was just fucking with him. But something about him tells Keith that it isn't the case. "So senior cadets have enough free time to fart and bother others?"

"What can I say, it's a quiet day," he shrugs. He seems to enjoy their debate. Keith eyes at him, frowning. "I remember you," he continues. "Kogane?"

There's a strange catch in his smile; it makes Keith stay in his spot and listen keenly not passively, and also answer back but without actually yelling or snapping. 

For once he doesn't feel like a string that is pulled too tight.

Keith feels himself relax.

He nods at the brunette. "Keith."

"Nice to meet you, cadet Keith. I'm Shiro. Takashi Shirogane," Shiro tells him and offers his hand.

"Before that," Keith glances at his hand then looks back at Shiro. "I'm not an idiot so -- admit it that you bumped into me on purpose," he reminds himself to find out the reason for it later.

"Of course not," Shiro's smile turns wider and Keith has to let out a snort at that.

He shakes Shiro's hand. It's not exactly warm yet anything but cold.

(Like a start.)

**Author's Note:**

> If you manage to get this far then thank you for reading!
> 
> In case you didn't get it already while reading the fic, english is not my native language. Also I don't have a beta so I'm sorry for all the possible mistakes. (I guess there's many)
> 
> I tried and I tried and here is the outcome. My only excuse is that I just really love these guys  
> ; ___ ; I also tried to be "orginal" and make the 5+1 backwards which was actually pretty fun. 
> 
> I'd looove to hear your thoughts.


End file.
